19. every meal is a miracle
baby's first "six-sentence manifesto"
Your relationship with food has come to feel like an eternal battle between rigid self-control and shameful surrender, turning every meal into an anxious ordeal where you rarely enjoy yourself, let alone feel nourished.
This cycle isn't about food or weight, but your bone deep belief that the little kid in you who loves Big Macs cannot be trusted, and that unlike “normal people,” you've lost the right to eat without authoritarian vigilance over him.
Staying mired in this pattern robs you of one of the most basic human pleasures—the simple joy of eating—and disconnects you from yourself, the people you care about, and from life itself, meal after meal, year after year.
Your path to freedom isn't through tighter control, but radical gratitude, approaching each meal, even those "forbidden" foods, as a chance to practice presence, curiosity, and appreciation for all of the ingredients that found their way here.
Years of mistrust won't be undone in a day, and though the old patterns will likely pull you back into the darkness from time to time, choosing self-compassion in those moments will help you keep inching towards freedom.
No matter what, you can always begin again with your next meal, turning off the distractions, gazing at what's before you with wonder, and saying it with feeling. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Rob, your thoughts about food and eating remind me of what I discovered recently during a therapy session. It's something my therapist (who prefers to be referred to as a "present-moment consultant" -- and it's true!) let me figure out and say on my own: My longstanding hatred of cooking stems from an equally longstanding disdain for self nurturing. If I can come to terms with the whole nurturing thing (and there's a LOT to unpack there, obviously), I'll be far less avoidant of food preparation. Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts about this subject.